i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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