omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
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