to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
