Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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