More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
