My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
