That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
