So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
