I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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