So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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