I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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