we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
