We're like a lot better than the average bears
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
