Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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