I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
