nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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