wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
