I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Randomize
