Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
