I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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