Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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