He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
My day in three words: secret purse cake
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
