remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize