What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
