hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
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