Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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