i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Randomize
