fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
