ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Are we still banned from the library?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
