I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
