Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
