Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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