FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
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It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
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He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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