Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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