I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
