I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
