Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
