Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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