you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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