why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Randomize
