Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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