I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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