Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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