After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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