I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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