unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
There r osticjed everywhere
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
