And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
