It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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