You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
you are never too drunk for berry picking
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
