he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
