Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
