Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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