doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
