Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
