All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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