This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
