just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize