Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
