Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
