why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
