Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
