we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
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You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
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Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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