Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
