Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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