I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
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$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
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I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
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