This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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