My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
