Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
