I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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