i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Randomize
