i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
