did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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