Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
