there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
