Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Randomize
