I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
