This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
